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The Purge February 14, 2008

Posted by Leilah in Spiritual Development.

For the last few years, upon awakening in the morning I’d either feel panic or depression. First feeling of the day. I would do what I could to shift it, through meditation and prayer or just getting busy with the tasks of life that needed doing. Often, the energy didn’t shift and so I went on with my daily life within that vibration, but usually with a center of light and acceptance (which sometimes felt like resignation) within myself. If I fought the feeling, it would become amplified. Part of the lesson in this was to love myself within every feeling. To love and accept myself even in the midst of depression has been a powerful healing tool. Judging myself for being depressed or afraid only added to the feeling of malaise that surrounded me and then the shoulds would start (as in I shouldn’t be feeling this way). 

We’ve all been going through a cleansing as part of receiving the high vibrational energies that are being sent throughout the Universe from Source (substitute God, Creator, All That Is, The Big IT, whatever). These feelings of fear, depression, even despair are energies that are literally being flushed out of us.  

The depression, fear and panic have been part of this cleansing, or purging. As the purge continues, it’s important not to attach to the memories and feelings that come up. They are coming up and releasing into the ethers. Recently I was doing a series of yoga asanas and at the end when I was laying in shivasana, memories from years ago were coming up – painful memories where I held judgment against myself – the kind of memories that made me squirm and think, “I can’t believe I did that…” As I lay there, I decided to simply observe and not get attached to the memories or the pain associated with them. As I did this, I saw each memory as if it were inside a bubble and they were just floating up out of my energy field. I placed violet light around my aura and saw the memories floating into the violet light for transformation. I felt compassion for myself and it was very freeing. I keep finding myself focusing on who I am now. Like, “Yes, I’ve been through all that, but who am I now? That’s where my truth is. And all of what I’ve experienced has brought me here.” 

Spirit tells us that we are the only ones who judge ourselves. We need to let the judgment go so we can be free. Witnessing our feelings is how we do this. My friend Kelly Beard, a wonderful intuitive astrologer (www.karmictools.com) likens it to cleaning out a closet or going through old stuff to throw things away. You might look at something and say, “Yes, I remember that… I remember when I got this…” but don’t spend the next hour thinking about it and re-living every memory that comes up. Instead, acknowledge and release it. Acknowledge and release.           

 Another aspect of this purging that you might feel is a cold chill deep inside of you. This is a good sign that you have released some energy and created a space to fill with source energy, which is the vibration of love. So when that happens, breathe in the energy from Spirit – fill the void with love and you will feel the nectar of warmth spreading out inside of you. 

Lately, I have been awakening with a feeling of well-being, with a soft feeling of love inside. Slightly surprised, I lay there and feel this good feeling and soak that energy into me. I realize now that I’ve cleared a lot of the old stuff I’d been holding onto. I’ve cleared it, and now the good feeling has a place to land inside of me. As we cleanse emotionally and physically, and open to listening to our hearts and finding our purpose in life (as opposed to a job), we rise higher into the energies of love and joy. There is an end to this purging tunnel!

Wishing you peace,
Nancy Leilah Ward




1. Art B. - July 1, 2009

The last few months I have been experiencing a variety of physical sensations such as rapid heart rate, anxiety,fear, panic attacks and an energy surge which is very difficult to adjust to. I have been a long time mediator and these various symptoms came out of nowhere. I thought to myself, what’s happening to me? I am usually a relaxed individual and easy going. I awoke one evening and my heart was pounding and went to the ER for two hours and they could not find anything wrong. The energy surge has occurred three or four times and when it hits, I just want to sit quietly and not talk. It’s that difficult to handle. The intensity is such that you want to literally get out of the body.///////thx

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