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The Purge February 14, 2008

Posted by Leilah in Spiritual Development.

For the last few years, upon awakening in the morning I’d either feel panic or depression. First feeling of the day. I would do what I could to shift it, through meditation and prayer or just getting busy with the tasks of life that needed doing. Often, the energy didn’t shift and so I went on with my daily life within that vibration, but usually with a center of light and acceptance (which sometimes felt like resignation) within myself. If I fought the feeling, it would become amplified. Part of the lesson in this was to love myself within every feeling. To love and accept myself even in the midst of depression has been a powerful healing tool. Judging myself for being depressed or afraid only added to the feeling of malaise that surrounded me and then the shoulds would start (as in I shouldn’t be feeling this way). 

We’ve all been going through a cleansing as part of receiving the high vibrational energies that are being sent throughout the Universe from Source (substitute God, Creator, All That Is, The Big IT, whatever). These feelings of fear, depression, even despair are energies that are literally being flushed out of us.  

The depression, fear and panic have been part of this cleansing, or purging. As the purge continues, it’s important not to attach to the memories and feelings that come up. They are coming up and releasing into the ethers. Recently I was doing a series of yoga asanas and at the end when I was laying in shivasana, memories from years ago were coming up – painful memories where I held judgment against myself – the kind of memories that made me squirm and think, “I can’t believe I did that…” As I lay there, I decided to simply observe and not get attached to the memories or the pain associated with them. As I did this, I saw each memory as if it were inside a bubble and they were just floating up out of my energy field. I placed violet light around my aura and saw the memories floating into the violet light for transformation. I felt compassion for myself and it was very freeing. I keep finding myself focusing on who I am now. Like, “Yes, I’ve been through all that, but who am I now? That’s where my truth is. And all of what I’ve experienced has brought me here.” 

Spirit tells us that we are the only ones who judge ourselves. We need to let the judgment go so we can be free. Witnessing our feelings is how we do this. My friend Kelly Beard, a wonderful intuitive astrologer (www.karmictools.com) likens it to cleaning out a closet or going through old stuff to throw things away. You might look at something and say, “Yes, I remember that… I remember when I got this…” but don’t spend the next hour thinking about it and re-living every memory that comes up. Instead, acknowledge and release it. Acknowledge and release.           

 Another aspect of this purging that you might feel is a cold chill deep inside of you. This is a good sign that you have released some energy and created a space to fill with source energy, which is the vibration of love. So when that happens, breathe in the energy from Spirit – fill the void with love and you will feel the nectar of warmth spreading out inside of you. 

Lately, I have been awakening with a feeling of well-being, with a soft feeling of love inside. Slightly surprised, I lay there and feel this good feeling and soak that energy into me. I realize now that I’ve cleared a lot of the old stuff I’d been holding onto. I’ve cleared it, and now the good feeling has a place to land inside of me. As we cleanse emotionally and physically, and open to listening to our hearts and finding our purpose in life (as opposed to a job), we rise higher into the energies of love and joy. There is an end to this purging tunnel!

Wishing you peace,
Nancy Leilah Ward



1. Art B. - July 1, 2009

The last few months I have been experiencing a variety of physical sensations such as rapid heart rate, anxiety,fear, panic attacks and an energy surge which is very difficult to adjust to. I have been a long time mediator and these various symptoms came out of nowhere. I thought to myself, what’s happening to me? I am usually a relaxed individual and easy going. I awoke one evening and my heart was pounding and went to the ER for two hours and they could not find anything wrong. The energy surge has occurred three or four times and when it hits, I just want to sit quietly and not talk. It’s that difficult to handle. The intensity is such that you want to literally get out of the body.///////thx

2. Brianne - December 12, 2018

I googled ‘soul purge’ because I recently went through this. For 4 years straight I’d been feeling extreme panic and depression especially upon waking up. Well I got a strange illness a week and a half ago. I was very sick. Faint, lethargic, feverish. They think I passed a kidney stone and I tested positive for a beginning of a uti but things still don’t add up for not being able to be awake for a whole week. I’d sleep all nights and most of the days only able to get up to eat and drink.
Now that I’m well, I feel completely different. My anxieties have gone down as well as my depression. I no longer desire the same things I once did. I completely changed my whole facebook too. I deleted hundreds of people. I unfollowed people, pages, and groups which were triggering in their posts or unclean. Now I see mostly positive things. I discovered self love. I stopped telling myself what I’m bad at or undeserving of, and now practice the law of deservedness. I even while i was sick, wrote a letter to a pastor who had caused me great turmoil 4 years ago.

I feel like my illness was a great purge.

You wrote this piece 11 years ago, how are you doing?

Leilah - December 13, 2018

Hello Brianne,
Thank you for your comment. Wow it’s amazing to read something I wrote 11 years ago and to see how timely the message still is.
I was contemplating that time period of my life recently, so your comment is very well timed and a true gift to me. In the years from about 2006 – 2010 I was undergoing different stages of purging – there were times I felt like a steamroller was rolling back and forth over me, squeezing out the poisons of beliefs and patterns that were never mine. Very uncomfortable! In my recent contemplations about that era of my life, I wondered how I made it through. And now, thanks to you, I have had a chance to read something I wrote when I was in the middle of that experience and to see how clear I was in spite of what was going on.
The purge has continued – not quite so intense for me as it was then – but it has been continuing for all of us in stages. There’s a great purge, then a time to integrate and bring in higher frequencies, then more purging. At this time in the world, the purge is being accelerated and it sounds like you have had a fast-track experience where you really went deep into your physical as you purged the toxicity on every level – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. That’s amazing! And sometimes as we release, a deeper part of the release has to do with releasing people from our lives who we don’t resonate with and we can no longer overlook when there’s energy that doesn’t harmonize with us. This is how we gift ourselves and love ourselves – by listening to our hearts, gut and mind and honouring our truth. I have always had this inner vision, when doing this deep releasing work, of being in a hot air balloon, and as we release, it’s like dumping a sand bag and our balloon takes us up higher. It sounds like that is what you have experienced. Give yourself a big hug!
Thank you for asking how I’m doing. My life is very different now. I don’t experience the anxiety and depression that I once did. I physically live in a different place that is very beautiful and nourishing to me. I am so filled with gratitude (which also helps to take our balloon higher). To look back and see how far we’ve come is very encouraging and inspiring. Since 2012 I have not been able to write many Vibe Reports as I’ve been having an internal re-assessment of my life and work and have continually received the message to “do nothing”, which has not been easy! But the message within that message is to “BE everything.” Your contacting me has inspired me to move forward with the new website I’ve been creating (Integralsoul.love) and to show up again with whatever messages come through, and also to create some new offerings for this current shifting timeline.
I want to share a visionary/etheric place that I’ve created for myself and anyone who wishes to find connection to other open hearts – I call it The Sanctuary and I just tune in to the collective consciousness and reach out to women I know and others that I feel are there on the continuum – with compassion and love – and I just allow this sanctuary experience to be – it feels so real to me and is more of a telepathic experience of just being there for each other – offering energetic support of love and compassion. I see geometric lines of energy that flow in the etheric field of the earth and I feel that our consciousness is within that energy flow and that’s how we connect with one another. This is very nurturing and nourishing and it is connected to the rising of the Divine Mother… Divine Feminine energy that is coming forward again from Mother Earth and within each of us, no matter what our gender is. So, if it feels right, you might want to find your connection to the Sanctuary.

Thanks again for contacting me – I wish you well as your journey continues and you experience miracles and synchronistic flow!

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